It ain't working out and what does this mean for Act 3

 So, quite a few things have happened since the last update, at least here anyway, I have been keeping a journal elsewhere but just to get this blog caught up... I went to another con, hung out with people, few months of inactivity and then here we are. I gave modding another go now that I have a new mouse and made a few things between Nov 2024 and Feb 2025 including armours, a new game overhaul and a bunch of textures but alas I've had to stop, not because of my mouse but its my keyboard this time, several keys are just dead, not due to gunk they're just more than 10 years old now and I'll clearly need a new new keyboard. Usually this means I'd do art instead since gaming is also out of the picture but nah I haven't really done that either. I've also become the only active moderator on a forum I help out on but I don't wanna dwell much on that since it's sad.

In october last year, as an additional project alongside my Pinkamena Project pixel ponies and making album stickers, I've started a wiki due the original wiki page being one page on the MLP fan labor wiki which is not only out of date but very cumbersome to navigate. I thought the only person who could do it was me, only I have the investigation skills and parasocial mindset to give musicians decent pages and several months later I've established a pretty solid foundation to detail all the albums, artists and niche bits of history which may get lost if MLR aka MyLittleRemix decides to go down, got my account back too btw yippee.

But what do I mean Act 3? Well currently you are seeing Act 2 of my creative iteration which began after my ego death in 2023 which caused me to experience a sharp realization of reality and for the time, was partly terrifying. If you don't get what I mean, don't worry about it, I was just dissociated for so long I forgot I had a human body. Act 1 was my past life which ended around the time I stopped going outside and became deeply connected to the news and other toxic world events that I shouldn't have bothered myself with, Act 2 was that realization and reset where I established FreckleShark as my main permanent alias with a focus on catching up on forming that identity for myself and now Act 3 is where I set it aside for abit to reclaim my real self so stuff like making money, spending money and feeling fitter through way more exercise

So that's what I'll be doing, my online life is so much more organized now to where I can go work on myself with that peace of mind. Just to go back to modding though, it really isn't working out, too little money ever comes in now and with my sixth year anniversary soon arriving, I'm not going to make anything more. My last release was kind of a flop despite what I considered to be a cool idea but at this point, I'm making mods for a 17 year old game and that's crazy.

Coming out as Genderfluid (not art related)

I just wanted to talk about it. I've been openly Pansexual since 2022/23 so this was the next step. I was firmly in the camp of thinking sexuality and gender identity was a bunch of overly complex rubbish which tends to takeover some people's entire personality but the binary system which is imposed on us from birth and it's maintained pretty aggressively by governments, religion and conservatives so yeah now I get it, it's exactly the same as the fight for gay rights years ago except present day. Remember, we've barely had gay marriage for a decade and the bigotry of the past is still alive in the minds that pushed against it.

I went down a conservative leaning alignment which in the end, never benefitted me so once I detached from that, it was back to where I left off. It was really an extreme form of masking which I put myself through and I can't stress how stupid that was because you're effectively an unpaid activist for people richer and better off than you.

I've had boyfriends, girlfriends and trans-boyfriends at high school so this could have happened if I had the support back then and not left to binge watch right-wing idiots on youtube speaking alone in their room unchallenged. The difference now is that I'm older, I see both sides and I get to make this informed unbias decision for myself without influence of schools or organisations and in the end, I like both girl and guy things so my gender identity is fluid as of March 2025 but I will still appear as male.

Sole Focus

 So as mentioned in my last post, the 3D modding scene has got me in it's clutches again but for serious this time, I'm done, every side project I got going is going on hiatus cause multiple aliases might be alright for an escape but now it's just me avoiding stuff. Plus one of my mod projects didn't really exceed the way I wanted, happy with the work but it's just wasted energy.

2 months in, I want to clear my to do list, finish the pinkamena party wiki and art collab and something different, start downloading tunes from youtube so i don't overly rely on some site which takes down tunes I like, now I can listen to my tunes wherever without the internet woooooo.

I started FRECKLESHARK in 2022 because I felt something had gone wrong along the way, a soft reset to go back to how I was in 2014 where I was much happier, not plagued by world events or fearing about sharing myself with others. I felt like I was mean't to be the unifier, and have that gift to bring people together. I missed going to cons, making stuff for people, being involved in projects. I didn't even get invited back to Pinkamena Party, I just turned up one day and began making stuff, so that was like forcefully doing it cause I just really wanted to be part of that scene again. three conventions down, I'm always wandering around, speaking to anyone I vaguely know or remember from the early fandom days. I don't have those past goals of getting followers or money like I guess others have, I just want to create this identity or sense of self that I can be content with.

Furry at 30, A Common Complaint

 I've been fortunate to have already accepted this awhile ago, as someone who tends to befriend folks a few years older or a few years younger, you see it coming and how others have reacted. Some see it as the sun setting on their time in fandoms though I personally feel like this is a childish thing to believe coming from what I see as the last generation of furs having a very narrow perception of time as if we're still in high school and dating someone a year above is a big no-no, we're all over 18 and aging so let's not divide folks even more.

I'd rather hang out with someone in their 60s like Shawn Keller, part of the forever 38 club and has this fun youthful spirit than a fur in their 30s those seemingly given up because their vision of going to MFF in fullsuit getting high and wasted didn't happen yet, like cmon that doesn't sound like the greatest time if you say it out loud.

Also, it seems like with age, I no longer genuinely care about popularity. because I have had it and you know what, it's all just numbers. I use to lie to myself, oh I don't care but secretly omg plz notice me >3<. I took a few years out of the this fandom to focus on being a big artist elsewhere, I got thousands of views and a discord server of 100+ members and really, there's no difference so what is being a creator really all about then if not for that sense of making a mark? Well, it's actually about the kind of mark you want to make and I wasn't making what I wanted to so when I did come back to Arting on DeviantArt/FurAffinity etc, I made a character that speaks to me, I made art for those who matter and I haven't stopped since, which is great productivity wise.

I actually had this code cracked back in 2014 but the nature of reality means nothing is ever this constant upward trend, we all have periods where we dip back down inside ourselves like a wave.

My April 2024 Update

So first of all, the book I was helping to translate for my buddy N-o-n is now avaliable here! until whenever stocks last and I'm glad they're working on another one, exciting. I even got a copy when I went to my second MLP convention 'in a while' and had a much more interactive time speaking to alot of folks and forming my own group for the day.

In other news, I began a large project for Pinkamena Party, an album I had collaborated on a decade ago to make a large 'pixel art' collage and everyone's characters which I've been adding to and updating from time to time. The goal is 100 musicians but right now, I'm floating around 60 as I struggle to locate the less active participants. In some cases, it might be the last (or first) time they'll ever get some fanart.

Apart from that, the standard schedule of drawing my own and other characters is on-going. I never get alot of attention from it but since it's just me and friend's characters, I don't mind. Also I still really need a new mouse if I ever want to return to modelling work again. I haven't seriously done much since July last year and with my first payout recently from download revenue, I got $15 to discount a new one.

Lastly, I made a Linktree too which makes it so much easier to share all my links at once including my Newgrounds I've been updating and my soundcloud which really isn't important.

Artist Statement 2023: Part 2

Without reading my previous statement, I would like to first say the things which have been going right for me.

It's been a slow crawl ever since the rebranding effort in early 2022, it was quite the leap mentally trying to recover somekind of forward facing persona I could use offline as well as online but the disconnect is so engraved that the leap gets further and further the longer I leave it. I've been getting back in touch with alot of old artists I knew in communities before I took the long silence or distraction and it's working, like I'm being invited to take part in projects, make content for people and there's some kind of image immerging from it which might unite mind and body but it still needs some work. I'm just happy that all these connections and people, well at least the majority of them, are still around. I really haven't gone that long.

Just quickly skimming through my last statement and man, I have an update on a few things there too. The university groups are abit of a bust though I am in contact with some other course mates so as a minor takeaway, new people there. The Game Art discord server continues to attract new members and even has persistant conversations between members so at long last, I've created a community which not only likes what I do, but also strives to create and share amongst themselves too, which is awesome. This means Art, as in my illustrative/animation stuff has taken more of a secondary role BUT, infact this has reduced the pressure on me to really make whatever I like, as long as I consider my audience, let's not get too crazy now. I've taken a bigger attempt at supporting other creators too by buying stuff. Which is always cool right? actually buying your friend's work.

Anyway, still gotta watch more shows and more tutorials. Keep putting that off. I'll be back soon to add more thoughts.

Helping on a friend's project!

Friend asked me to help with the translations for their first physical MLP fandom comic to be sold online/at conventions.

This was written on 8th September 2023 as a Retrospective.

The "Right" Approach (Being the Artist YOU want to be)

 If you're reading this, welcome to another educational insert by me! Freckle! If you do not wish to educate yourself then skip this journal post but I wanted to talk a little bit about personal development in Art.

If you weren't aware already, literally everyone in the world is online. This means you can discover the very best current humanity has to offer in terms of Art and yes, the very worst and I'm not talking about bad artists but bad people. People who will intentionally make burner youtube channels, write essays taking apart your passions and spreading their awful doctrine and all made louder when it becomes trending. Unfortunately, these are our peers, often upset and dissatisfied with their own journey and often the same age. I remember E;R several years ago making videso targetting Steven Universe, a show I very much enjoyed for its look, tearing it up and another Youtuber who claimed to have insider information and "a recent animation graduate" say the show creators basically slept and jacked off in their offices. Is that true? I don't know but "random girl in an empty room" isn't a great source regardless and I lost all love of animation afterwards.

I've had my own destructive period of loss, self-doubt and cyncism which didn't need to happen or maybe it did? I had it figured out but I guess I just didn't put words into action. But I want you to make life easier on yourself, keep the number of alias' limited to public and private (2). I've had more than you'd care to remember, infact its taken me an ENTIRE MONTH, to close, delete and save my past accounts. Sometimes it was just namewasting with a blank account or it was art I thought others would like but in reality, I personally wasn't bothered about.

We all know what we really want in life, make small steps towards it. If you want to develop a TV show? just start with a doodle here and a background there BUT THE IMPORTANT PART, you keep going. If you meet someone nice who legitimately wants to be friends, what a great opportunity to network and it might not be the person you expect! Just make good and thought-through decisions. It's so easy for us artists to intentionally ruin progress either by comparing ourselves to random people or insanely high expectations and perfectionism. Everyone's journey is different, starts differently, has more challenges or less so. You can make tomorrow or better yet now the turning point, ignore what has happened and work towards what can be.

The "Right" Approach

This isn't my usual update, just some thoughts I wanted to share about being an artist. Dismiss if you want.

I've had an odd old time, I started digital art in 2012/13. At the time, I already saw a great deal of history on DeviantArt and here on FurAffinity that made me feel like I truly missed the boat. Every fur was like 2-3 years older than me and it really bummed me out. I was also coming from a mindset where I'd hear stories of how unacceptable furry art was IRL, and as someone who uses cartoons as inspiration, it created a great divide in my mind. I was effectively two different artists, drawing what I wanted in my spare time and whatever got me by in the real time. This persisted until I left art school.

It's 10 years later now, I began using FA properly in maybe 2017? a shortlived account where the art I was producing wasn't reflective of me, attempt .2 was longer but I wasn't operating under a name I liked. And this drive for a name which fitted was already answered but I was too fearful to use for near to no reason. Everything I just said could have been avoided entirely and maybe you don't have these troubles but as an expert worrier, I do. So I wanted to share some honest truths about being an artist:-

- "Always remember what inspired you", starting on an art is probably the hardest thing to do but the strongest tool to combat this is recalling that spark which spurred you on in the first place, a favourite movie, piece of work.
- "Draw fan art of stuff you're a fan of!", fan art is a great way to easily boost your growth and thats if you care about that stuff but I also know what its like to draw something you don't like, then don't get any attention for it. So, draw fan art of stuff you like so at least you'll be happy with it.
- "Some people won't like what you create", I don't want to be the art police since we should have to freedom to create and experiment but never feel down if one person has issue. Even if its some art tutor you're trying to impress, just move onto someone who will care.
- "Draw good and badly!", what do I mean by that? well, we can't all produce masterpieces time and time again and often the best drawing is the 5th attempt. Make some time to do some silly drawings too! tiny characters or minimalist stuff. Silly drawings are fun!
- "The right time is now!", unless you have important work or money related stuff to tend to. Make time for drawing whenever you can if you're that passionate. a few minutes on a bus to work, sitting in a restaurant, whilst on a walk. We can't make excuses.
- "Interact with others", maybe you arent the talkative type but we all share a passion here and compliments are always welcome, just try and stick to the mostly positive side as constructive criticism should be reserved for those who ask. Posting art is one thing but people want to know you're not some robot!

Thoughts about NSFW:
If you're an artist, unless you specifically want to be a NSFW artist, then make two accounts. Consider your audience and I know that sounds really lame but you're producing work for a specific group of people. If you feel like you can't fill two accounts or its too cumbersome, it really isn't. You can visit the other once a month or just upload there and disgarding feeling the need to interact as much. We don't produce art because we want fame or great heaps of money but because we want to, and that want should overrule everything else.
If you're a watcher, then the need to curate your content isn't as strict but again, you may want to consider who sees what you post and either place a warning or barrier in place.

I might add some more in the next few days but I had to toss that out there.

Artist Statement 2023

Hello Blog! It's been awhile...

It's pretty late at night here but thought I might as well make this post now then to put it off any longer so pardon me if this becomes a sort of rant and I jump into a few different topics. I'll try not to be too weird and personal I promise, just purely art development talk.

I used to create blogs all the time ten or so years ago, including on Tumblr, hoping I could find an audience there and possibly an improvement upon Blogspot which, to be honest with you, has been around since the dawn of blogging itself. Anyway, back in 2013 I created what is known as an 'Artist Statement', this is a short paragraph of goals, intentions and how I approach my work. Well, let's just say I massively underachieved which led me to my position today with still a similar mindset to when I was at school, lost and confused. I've always had a wandering creative interest, either because it was genuine (wanting to try out a new medium) or a more blunt reason, escapism and creative procrastination. In summary, I wasn't very comfortable or confident with who I was or who I wanted to eventually be. It's taken me a while to clear my head and even whilst writing this post, I am afraid to share my thoughts.

I currently exist in two main forms. I love Game Art, so far it's just been an exploration into modding (when I say exploration, I mean downloading and gawking at any game model freely available) and I haven't progressed past that point, the natural progression one would think would be to create custom meshes and textures, you know for actual use. This Game Art form isn't part of my FreckleShark alias, though I would like it to be in the future, by using my knowledge from University and stuff I've picked up 'Self-teaching'. Apart from that, I enjoy drawing characters and icons, this is where FreckleShark has now made its home. The work submitted on this alias has slowed but I really want to and need to reboot that very soon, tomorrow ideally. I also have other art interests but for now they're not really important (personal art).

Finally, the statement itself.

I want to develop my art persona into something genuine and I can be used professionally. Explore Game Art in terms of both 2D and 3D, creating characters, props and environments by whatever means, striving to keep building upon my own knowledge. Try to produce animations again, no matter if they're big or small. Stream my art process and take part in more collaborations and challenges. I want to enthuse more about the media I love and show open passion for it. Most importantly though, share my work and interact with others.

I will do this by networking on social media and the art groups I am a part of such as ArtStation, Fandoms and my University Concept Art page.

I will do this by applying any software I am able to access such as Blender and CLIP Studio Paint to my work whilst exploring for more to experiment in.

I will do this by continuing to improve my self-learning and observe the changes in technology in the Digital Arts Industry.

And lastly, It's my firm belief that despite all the time that has passed, I am still able to produce great work and whenever I do produce something, especially when it's for someone else, it always creates a positive response. And that's more than enough for me, years on from my last statement to keep going for another ten.